Hard Times

Why is this phase too bad ?? I am crying almost everyday . Every hour . Sometimes every minute . My heart never gets immune . How much ever I face , how much ever I cry .

My friend broke up with me . A very special friend I can say . I can never forget . The end was not good at all .

My grades . Shit . I don’t wanna talk about them . Below average . Why ? I really don’t know . Maybe I am not smart enough . God knows .

Mental pressure at home and school . Why ? Again , I don’t know . Chuck it .

My neighbourhood . Everybody hate me . No one understands . Be it my own friends or their mothers . Why , even my own mom hardly understands me . I am scared to even step out . I hate the outside atmosphere .

My goals . Nothing at all . A 17-year old , fit for nothing , who doesn’t have a passion , simply agrees with whatever others say , without thinking . A dumbass , who rarely smiles , always thinking about the society , how it misunderstands , never does something that satisfies her own .

Okay , let me tell you , I suffer from anxiety . Always nervous and depressed, an over-thinker , a ‘mad’ as considered by my own friends , a ‘psycho’ considered by my juniors , sometimes my seniors even tell me I suffer from Autism .

While actually , I am not . But they don’t understand . Why ? Again , I really don’t know .

No one likes to talk to me . I don’t remember a single instance where the other person has started the conversation . And everytime I start , I find the other person moving away .

You know how many times have I got betrayed ? One , Two , Three …..no wait , errrr…. eight . Yes , eight . Eight big fat betrayals . By my own ” the then-best friends ” . Actually , right now I have no one . I am all alone . The only friends I have right now are books , tv , and this blog . Nothing else .

You might find these stuff a bit silly and inexpensive , but you know , only one can feel one’s own pain .

I am an introvert , so it becomes even more harder . I write because I can’t speak . I try to be happy , but problems haunt me . They’ll continue to do so .

I try to chuck it and move on , but I can’t .

#Clinical_Depression

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