Being broken isn’t a bad thing. Being broken happens to us constantly. We are exposed to traumas, toxic situations, and life events that ultimately shape our being. We experience times of being and feeling broken, where we are thrown off course because this is the beauty, as fucked up as it is, that is life. This is when the Self (the soul and heart) shouts loud enough so that we wake up and recognize that if we continue to let our Egos be the captain of our ship, we will end up shipwrecked at the bottom of the ocean. These experiences and events are opportunities that shake us, rattle us off course, and ultimately redirect us. They appear when we are especially unprepared, jolting us from the drivers seat and are a call for us to wake the fuck up and pay attention.
When we ignore them, they keep appearing. They get louder and louder until one day we can’t ignore, and we must surrender. We are forced, even if we are kicking and screaming.
Perfectionism isn’t real. Perfectionism is the culprit of a mediocre advertising business that tells us, as consumers, that if we buy/see/do we will be/feel/win. This isn’t the case. Its a false dichotomy of bullshit fed to us as make believe. Perfectionism is just a band aid. The belief that perfect exists is a testament to the ego lying straight in our ear. Perfectionism is an expectation created by ourself, and put on ourself to make us believe that that we shouldn’t be broken, to hide our scars and truths, to shove our shit and our traumas under the rug. Perfectionism exists solely for the pure fact that we hide from our authentic self. Covering up our scars until one day they are visible.
The American culture is one for quick fixes and cheap rewards. It thrives on healing quickly, preventing aging, being “happy”, there is dependence on a pill, money and fame as a requisite for “the best life…ultimate happiness”. American’s don’t celebrate “broken”. We don’t celebrate the times of struggle, we just assume that the path taken was easy and quick, and when we compare how we aren’t on that same trajectory — we feel like a failure.
This creates a self-fulfilling cyclical prophecy of “nothing is ever good enough”; of expectations created by ourselves based on our past traumas that we can’t live up to. That we can’t meet because we are constantly striving for more. Its like hiking up a super tall mountain, only to think you’re at the summit and realize you have longer to go. Its exhausting. For example, “if I purchase [insert material object here], I’ll be happier”. This is a lie. You see this with children opening toys on Christmas, only to play with them once that day, and then they are retired to a closet shelf only to collect dust.
Here’s the thing, we all experience some form of childhood trauma that impacts us so deeply, and only rears its ugly face as an adult when faced with “adult life experiences” that bring the traumas, likely hidden and never fully resolved, to the surface. These traumatic experiences often frame the belief that “if XYZ happens again, the result will be the same”.
We all have traumas. We just don’t talk about them.
Traumas and life events can affect us so deeply, that they become rooted in everything we do, from the boardroom to the bedroom these traumas can control and dictate our life; the only way to heal from them stems from us being open about being broken, and creating an environment that is safe enough to talk about these traumas. We will start to recognize that everyone else has life experiences that shape us, but make us beautiful.
We all experience moments of insecurity, self-doubt, self-deprecation. We tell ourselves stories that are simply untrue, because our ego is getting in the way of our heart. We prevent ourselves from living our deepest and truest purpose, until we are awaken by some event that truly breaks us, but breaks us open. The tools that may have once worked, may be retired, and we have to find new ways to put the pieces back together, much like Kintsugi.
Resilience is the most powerful tool in our toolbox. Resilience, tenacity and grit are sometimes turned on during our fight or flight modes. Our periods of survival. Resilience is ignited when you least expect or cannot see it, until you digest the event and recognize that the only way you “got through it” was by pure willpower alone. Resilience is a testament to the human spirit. The the wonderfulness that shows how, in times of challenge or difficulty, how we can move ahead and put the pieces back together, no matter how long it takes.
I hope that you can find beauty in your cracks. Fill them with gold, silver, or colors that make you feel beautiful, radiant, and proud. Know that the light shines through the cracks. Let them fuel your fire to move forward and share your story. Be one to hold space for others and inspire others by your tenacity and resilience.
Accept, don’t judge, that periods of struggle are really periods of growth.
And please remember, being broken open is beautiful.