The most difficult and worst part of suffering from some mental illness is pretending like nothing has ever happened and nothing different is happening.
To pretend like you’re a normal person. To pretend that the changes you’re facing mentally, emotionally and psychologically ain’t overwhelming.
Sometimes, managing everything is just too much.
It feels like you have to fight with everything, inside and out. The world inside you will be crumbling and the world outside will be suppressing you down further.
And then there’s you, stuck between handling both of the worlds, unable to find a place where you can avoid that pressure, where you can rest awhile, a place called home.
Then comes the social anxiety with it. You don’t want to interact with anyone. But you cannot be like that too.
Because you’re pretending to be normal, and normal people don’t behave like sociopaths.
You try to socialise in order to not come out as an abnormal, that draws attention too. And nervousness takes the best of you.
People would give you the stink eye for acting weird that further ruins your confidence. You try to assert yourself that there must be a friendly pair of eyes among them too, but everywhere you see are silent judgmental minds concealed behind apparent empathy.
That my dear, isn’t empathy but sheer curiosity.
Curiosity to know what’s wrong. So that they can make a story of it, a joke of it or a plot of it to attack further. That’s where you start losing trust in everyone. You slowly fade away into your own dark world. Because it’s better than not knowing when you’re being misled in the light.
The darkness shows you what’s actually there: nothing.
Even if someone tries to reach you out, you shut yourself more. Because they won’t understand and you don’t have the guts and trust to explain.
It’s easier to just say that everything’s alright. Opening up is far more risky. What if they will use all those against you? You start to have too many trust issues to believe anyone again.
Our mind is a maze, a beautiful maze. But one wrong strike is all it takes to turn it into a complete mess.
A mess we can rarely come out of without destroying a part of us or the whole existence of us.
There may not be a solution. But there’s surely a backstop.
We are all connected. Anybody we are in contact with, have some parts of them intertwined with us, in our thoughts and emotions.
The least we can do is make sure those chords are intact.
That there’s not an unnecessary glitch. That they haven’t got disentangled.
If they have, then it’s unto us to rewind them, to check what’s bothering them. Because mostly, it’s something that’s killing them from inside. That’s draining them so much that they have no strength left to keep the bonds intact.
It’s on us to reach them out. The least we, as human beings, can do is show some empathy, some humanity.
Today, we need each other more than anything.