I’m trying

Anxiety, a truly ugly part of life. Anxiety attacked me yesterday, full on assault today. I know this all too well, I hate it too. First, depression tried to keep me in bed, safe in the solitude of my bed. I wanted to stay there, I needed to stay there but I need to work even more.

I finally got out of bed, and anxiety was waiting the moment my feet touched the floor. I tried to push through it, take my meds and ignore it, but the flashes of hot and cold rushing my body wouldn’t let me ignore it. If you have ever fought against anxiety just to get ready in the morning, you know how difficult it is. Alternating between the bathroom mirror and the floor in front of the toilet.

With the hot and cold flashes come the nausea and that terrible feeling in your throat that feels like hands wrapped around it, cutting off your air, making you gag. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, they all mesh together with me. The panic attacks are the worst though, outwardly I can’t hide them like I hide the depression and anxiety.

I made it to work, a little late, but I made it. I continue to fight my way out of this. The attacks today and yesterday, it’s all part of a larger issue, one that I’m fighting to survive. I may not be making much progress, but at least I’m trying, I’m fighting for my survival.


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13 thoughts on “I’m trying

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  1. Chronic anxiety is such a difficult thing to deal with. I feel for you. At the same time it is something I believe you can learn to live with. I’m always careful about using the word ‘fight’ talking from experience. What we resist we give power. Most people who suffer from anxiety are most anxious about having anxiety rather than anything that actually triggers it. I think it helps to remember anxiety is a perfectly normal – if not very pleasant – emotion to have. What you can learn to accept about yourself you can then change. But I believe acceptance, as hard as that is, has to come first. I echo what los1999 has to say above. Asking for help is so so important. None of us can do it alone all the time. I wish you the best on your journey 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As someone with chronic anxiety, I can relate. I’ve spent years struggling to live with my OCD and there were many times when it seemed like my life wasn’t getting any better. You just have to remember to stay optimistic and that when there is darkness, there has to be light, and you will find it. You just have to make it your goal to make it through each day every day. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Nothing’s worse than someone struggling with mental illness by themselves.

    Liked by 2 people

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